Category / Why I didn’t write today

by whyididntwritetoday

Why you shouldn’t toe punt mushrooms

I can remember it like it was yesterday.

It was one of those kinda sunny, but also kinda windy days – the sort you get as summer slowly turns into autumn.

Just before the leaves commence their big fall from the sky to the ground.

I was about seven years old and I was in one of those nature parks that you go to at that age – along with my family and my best friend’s family.

Back in those days I was the kinda kid who loved to bomb his way through the park – following the trail, hoping that there’ll be some kind of pot of gold at the end of it.

I was somewhat annoyed when everyone else stopped halfway through.

I turned round to see why, and saw that everyone had congregated around a huge mushroom.

It was one of those mega colourful, grand looking ones – the type that looks as if it might be a palace for bugs and other assorted wildlife.

Everyone was cooing and wowing over it.
I wasn’t interested in it.
It was holding me up.

So, in one sweeping self-centred motion, the sole of my Wellington boot came crashing down on it. It fell in on itself and flitted out of existence with a resounding puff.

To put it mildly, everyone was pissed.

I was the villain of the hour.

Everyone else had loved the look of it, they were intrigued…and, back in those days, it took much longer to take a photo as digital cameras weren’t really around – meaning no one had had time to take a photo.

Do you know what I learnt that day?

What appeals to others, doesn’t always appeal to you and vice versa.

Respect what others enjoy.

And, when it comes to marketing something, remember that – just because it isn’t your cup of tea – doesn’t mean that it won’t metaphorically quench the rest of the world’s metaphorical thirst.

Look through the eyes of others to see it from their point of view before you stamp on it…

by whyididntwritetoday

A map for your feelings…

“I think that is what film and art and music do; they can work as a map of sorts for your feelings.”

– Bruce Springsteen

Apologies for the lack of a post yesterday – life, as it does, got in the way.

P.S. The album photo I included was one of my favourite ever albums as a kid. When I first got a CD walkman I fished it out of my dad’s CD collection and almost played it to death!

by whyididntwritetoday

Wanted: Solar-powered clothes dryer

For as long as we humans have walked the Earth, many of us have been honest.

Many of us have wanted to work hard, help others and then reap the rewards for our labour.

However, there are also those of us who look to to scam and deceive everyone around us!

These scam artists often tend to be very creative…I guess not all of us creatives can be good, can we?

Let me take you back the sixties and seventies. The war was well over, the baby boomers were here and people had a quality of life that would have seemed alien to them some years before.

Gadgets were all the rage (as they are now).

Solar-power was one of the buzzwords of the time and everyone wanted to use it whenever they could.

Why not help out the planet as and when you can?

A man called Steve Comisar was out to make some money.

Print advertising was big back then.

So he put an advert in the magazines and papers selling this amazing new gadget:

“Solar-powered clothes dryer – just $39. The planet friendly way to dry your clothes – never use your tumble-dryer again. Send the money and I’ll have one sent out to you within a week, free delivery – life-time guarantee!”

Believe me when I say that people bought into the idea. Families rushed to send over their hard-earned dollars.

And then they waited. Curiously. Sitting there, in their homes, imagining how this new, wacky invention might look.

You can imagine their surprise when it arrived. It looked just like this:

MEN-JJ09-clothesline1

Yep, just your average, run-of-the-mill clothesline. One that you can find in nearly every garden in the country.

As you can imagine people were pissed, and Steve Comisar is still doing time now for that and a combination of other scams.
(I believe that the only U.S. con artist bigger than him was Frank Abingale – he was the guy the film ‘Catch Me If You Can’ was based on.)

Of course I’m not saying that we should go around scamming people, and I’m not advocating a crook.

But – there’s creativity here.

Comisar looked at the current market, saw a theme that everyone was interested in (solar power) and then found a new way to market something around it.

Why don’t we embrace creativity like this and use it to market and sell genuine products?

Or perhaps, if we’re writing fiction – we can take a standard plot, and re-imagine it in such a way that it gets a new lease of life?

by whyididntwritetoday

The last man on Earth sat alone in a room…

“The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.”

How’s that for a first line? (Or maybe two lines, as there’s a full stop in-between).

It conjures up a lot of questions and it had me, for one, wanting to read on.
Who is this man?
What happened to everyone else?
Is he the last man on the earth, or the last actual person?
Etc.

When it comes to writing anything that you want someone to read it’s important to hook them in, from either the headline or the first line. It seems kind of obvious, doesn’t it?

But then, you’d be surprised how few people actually put it into practice.

‘On average, 8 out of 10 people will read headline copy, but only 2 out of 10 will read the rest.’ (Copyblogger)

Ask a question, inspire thought – do something that will make the reader want to continue.

Because, once you’ve written than opening line, every other word you write is, in itself, a reason to get your audience to read the next word.

If you’re interested in where that quote came from at the start, it’s been taken from the short story ‘Knock’ – written by Fredric Brown.

It was based on the following short segment of text, which was written by Thomas Bailey Aldrich:

“Imagine all human beings swept off the face of the earth, excepting one man. Imagine this man in some vast city, Tripoli or Paris. Imagine him on the third or fourth day of his solitude sitting in a house and hearing a ring at the door-bell!”

Class dismissed.

by whyididntwritetoday

Reviewing bad horror films…

I recently took a spontaneous leap and signed up for Shudder – if you’re into horror or thriller films, it may well be worth checking out. It’s basically a genre-tailored version of Netflix.

Horror films are notorious when it comes to fiction – be it on film or in the pages of a book. I guess it’s because some of them are so bad – low budget filmmakers just can’t seem to keep themselves away from trying to tell scary stories.

As excruciatingly cringe-worthy as some might be, sometimes it’s a bit of fun to switch off and watch them. So, today that’s what I’ve done and I’ve taken it upon myself to review a few of them as I went.

Ritual (2013)

ritual
(Take That – 2060 reunion gig)

Plot in a nutshell: A man takes a late night call from his estranged wife, and soon wishes he hadn’t.

This film could be a poster child for the term ‘low-budget’ – 90% of it takes place in one location and many of the scenes look as if they’ve been shot on a handheld camcorder, giving it that ‘straight outta film school’ vibe.

At the start there’s a really cool, old school ‘warning’ screen that comes on and says that anyone with a faint heart shouldn’t stay at watch the film. I liked that, and I also liked the use of sound and voiceovers. They’re great at building tension, and the one easy tool that a low budget filmmaker usually has in their arsenal in sound.

I don’t mind a slowburner, but this was exceptionally slow at times. In fact, for long periods of time, this almost seemed more like a relationship drama than a horror film.

The ending will no doubt shock a lot of viewers – it was quite bold! There were a few jump scenes, and there was a creepy overall feeling but I didn’t find myself walking away from it and thinking…’that was some tense shit’ so from me this gets a 2/5.

The Burning (1981)

theburning
(Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue, circa 1980s)

Plot in a nutshell: A pissed-off caretaker unleashes his anger on the residents of a summer camp.

Where would any post on horror movies be complete without a slasher reference? Although I have to say, for long periods of time (particularly at the end) this one plays out more like a thriller – something which works in its favour.

I fully expected to not enjoy ‘The Burning’ at all. I thought I’d sit here in my Ivory Tower, laughing at how cheesy and poorly made it was….but I was wrong. Sure, it is cheesy and, in some points, highly predictable – but there are some good ‘jump’ scenes and the final twenty minutes of the film really got me going.

Having said that, some of the dialogue was terrible. Here are a few highlights:

“Burned so bad he’s cooked. fuckin’ big mac. overdone” (this line is spoken by a Doctor)

‘Alfred’s been prowling around the girl’s shower’
‘What do you have to say about that, Alfred?’
‘I only meant to scare her!’ (said as if it’s the most normal thing in the world)

‘Michelle! the canoes have gone”
‘What do you mean they’re gone?’
‘They’re not here!’

‘Where did you learn to build a raft?’
‘Raft building! in the boy scouts!
‘Thank God for the boy scouts!’

I believe this film was actually banned for a while in the UK due to a scene on a raft…but, compared to what we see nowadays, it’s relatively tame.

Special shoutout to Jason Alexander who is great in this – he’d eventually go on to star in Seinfeld. 

seinfeld

The attitudes of some of the camp seniors to their girlfriends are really terrible here, they come across as absolute animals and you’re left with very little sympathy for them when they run into the killer.

These sorts of films are predictable, though and until the last portion of the film none of the characters have any fight in them, so they’re really just fodder for the killer (Cropsey is his nickname!) – they all make such stupid decisions too, it’s easy to be frustrated by it.

I did like the ending though – it was the usual kind of ‘shock’ ending that these films usually have – something that’s meant to be surprising but now does the opposite.

For me it’s a 4/5 – it’s laughable in places, but also keeps the pulse-racing and it really does hold your attention. Something which so many films miss nowadays.

Tenebrae (1982)

dogtenebrae
(I already said, I don’t have any treats!)

Plot in a nutshell: An author goes to promote his book in Rome, and a murderer suddenly strikes.

Like a good wine selection, I don’t think any horror film list is complete without something Italian. Apparently, this was inspired by some experiences that the director (Dario Argento) actually had with a crazed fan.

While the story is mostly linear and easy to follow, it does occasionally burst into strange and fleeting dream-like sequences. Fragmented and disjointed images, accompanied by creepy music. It reminded me of the way nightmares played out.

Some of the themes are good and, again, there’s a nice use of music to elevate tension. But, as with so many horror films, the filmmaker is so hellbent on upping his bodycount that the characters continually put themselves in danger, and make silly decisions.

Some of the drama involved is very convoluted,  and the acting isn’t going to be any awards any time soon – but it is entertaining, and it didn’t find my attention wavering.

The ending was silly though and, again, characters do stupid things just to put themselves in the way of danger so the body count can go up.

3/5 for me, I’d say.

 

 

by whyididntwritetoday

This too shall pass.

 “This too shall pass”.

It’s a simple sentence, but a very powerful one when you think about it. It’s certainly one we should all bear in mind as we trundle (or speed) through our day-to-day.

Many, many moons ago there was a great ruler who lived in a grand castle. He had everything he wanted.

Banquets, riches and the adoration of his community.

Yet…even though he had all he should want he wasn’t always happy… 
(I bet some of you can relate).

So, as great rulers tend to do when they have a problem, he asked his most valued subjects to help him out.

He wanted them to create something that would make him happy. For some reason or another he decided that this should be in the form of a ring.
(Perhaps he just opened the Argos catalogue at a random page, and went from there).

He gave them the following brief: the ring had to make him happy when he was sad. 

As you can imagine there was a lot of head-scratching – as is usually the case with vague briefs.

They consulted engineers, philosophers, carpenters, academics – anyone who might be able to give them some inspiration.
(oh, how difficult the world was before Google or Pinterest!)

Eventually, as you’ll have probably guessed, the phrase they engraved into the ring was:
“this too shall pass”.

They presented it to him with baited breath…and sighed with relief once they saw that he was pleased.

It worked well. Whenever he felt annoyed, angry or sad – he just looked at his ring and it reminded him that everything was temporary. The storm cloud that hung over his head began to wither and disappear.

But then…sometimes when he was happy, he’d accidentally look at his ring and it would dawn on him that happiness and success don’t last forever either.

It was a real double-edged sword. It could take him from sad to happy, and from cheerful to downbeat.

There’s a lesson in here for all of us to take away.

badday

When things go wrong and when, in the words of Daniel Powter, we have a ‘bad day’ – we know that it’ll pass. The storm cloud above our own heads will eventually go, and the sun will creep up over the metaphorical horizon.

But…

…it also means that when we  are happy and when we are successful, those days when the sun seems to shine just that bit brighter and we feel a few inches taller, we need to really value those moments.

Because they too will pass.

‘Tis a shame, but as Frank Sinatra once said, “that’s life!”

Keep your chin up when things aren’t going right, and take every reflective moment you can to drink in the good times when you’re in them.

by whyididntwritetoday

Inspirational Places

What does travel do?

It doesn’t just make you skint, doesn’t just make you have to book valuable days off work and it doesn’t just leave you jetlagged & sunburnt.

It opens doors for new experiences that carve out memories you’d never think you’d have.

There’s a world outside your comfort zone and, as a creative, you should take the chances (as and when they come) to broaden your horizons.

tram

When I was younger I didn’t believe in holidays, although I think that was mostly just because I couldn’t afford them.

My reasoning was that it was a waste of money and what was the point in paying for memories? After all you can’t do anything with memories, what’s the point in paying for an experience that will be over soon? Why not just splash the money on material things?

How wrong I was. Sometimes you meet people and you unlock life hacks and secrets that change your thinking for the better.

But that’s the thing…the things you think you know when you’re younger, aren’t always as true as they seem when you look back at them with fresh, older eyes.

So if you feel a bit stuck, as if you can’t find inspiration anywhere you should step outside your door and find a plane going somewhere you like the sound of.

The featured image is of the city of Budapest. A place full of beauty, adventure and dangerously good wine.